Radical Self Compassion: Thoughts on Healing from Historical Wounds
It comes from a visceral place, not an intentional space—that trigger from unhealed wounds from our family of origin and/or domestic violence relationships. We can be talking with someone and not feel heard or seen, or we may feel rejected or abandoned, and our bodies contract instinctually. We go into that self protective space that was adaptive during our traumatic experiences. In distress we regress. We are human and we are wired to protect ourselves from any perceived threat or harm. Unhealed trauma leaves us vulnerable to re-experiencing situations that feel threatening, but might not necessarily be a current threat. What feels hysterical is often historical.
But what if we begin to notice our body’s reactions to situations and begin to recognize our triggers as our unhealed parts, our wounds that feel fresh and raw each time they are reopened in situations that feel similar to the trauma we have experienced? Our responsibility to ourselves is to find space to honor and heal the wounds in such a tender and loving compassionate way, much as we would tend to the wounds of a small child. How do we learn to provide ourselves with the love and care we did not receive in our childhood and/or in our abusive relationships? Many of us would never speak to another person like we speak to ourselves.
It starts with gaining self awareness. What old tapes play in your head over and over? Those tapes are not reality, but are what we have experienced or witnessed in our life, how we have been mistreated, and/or what words were used as weapons from those who were unable to provide us with love and care. Can you recognize some themes? “I am worthless”, “I am stupid”, “I am crazy”, “I am unloveable” are a few examples. Working with a competent, compassionate and trauma informed counselor is important for the healing process. Support while you unpack hard things is essential. Learning new skills such as grounding and mindfulness will be helpful as you navigate the murky waters of unhealed trauma. There is freedom in healing. There is hope.
Lastly, finding a couple of times during your day to check in with yourself and provide yourself with a self compassion pause (see below) can begin the process of honoring and healing old wounds.
Self-Compassion Pause:
Pause for a moment and focus on your breathing
Inhale and exhale slowly
Place your hand on your heart
Are you feeling tightness or pain anywhere in your body?
Say to yourself: I accept myself in this moment
Inhale and exhale slowly 3 times
