Are you Experiencing Narcissistic Abuse?

I think it is important to remember that abusive relationships do not start with abuse. In the beginning, abuse survivors are often flooded with positive, affirming messages of love and care. Unfortunately, that is the hook. How wonderful to be fully embraced by a partner, until… we are not. Typically, once survivors are fully committed to the relationship the emotional abuse will begin. This is often in the form of gaslighting and it is an intentional process by the abuser to slowly erode the survivors' sense of reality. Emotional abuse creates an environment in which the survivor begins to doubt their judgment and perceptions. The goal of the abuser is to get you to distrust yourself and trust them instead.

It can sound like this:

“You're crazy, I did not say that”

“If you hadn’t said that, I wouldn’t have had to ______.”

“You always mess up.”

“You are just too sensitive”

“Where did you learn that stupid idea?”

If you are in a relationship and feel confused, “crazy”, and are chronically questioning your reality, you are more than likely experiencing abuse. 

It is really hard to recognize the signs and red flags of abuse while still in an abusive relationship because of all the energy it takes to survive, for example walking on eggshells and always trying to "get it right.” The most confusing part of abuse is that the abuser shifts tactics for a time and becomes loving again (love bombing). It is a perpetual cycle that leaves survivors feeling uncertain about their experience and exhausted. 

If you feel you are experiencing abuse from a narcissist, there are resources available to help you. You don’t have to go it alone. Find a counselor who specializes in abuse, talk to a trusted friend or relative, and ask for support. Remember, you are not an island and everyone needs support during difficult challenges.

If you feel you are in an abusive relationship, live in North Carolina and are considering counseling, contact me at 336-901-2999 for a free phone consultation. If you need immediate support please call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or, if you fear for your safety, please call 911 now.